I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i think my cat just said my name.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
