Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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