i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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