we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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