I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize