your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
