I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
