I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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