Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
