i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
