dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So much Jack, so little girl.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize