Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
