Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
