Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
