yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
