the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
