thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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