i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
