you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
where does the pee come out of this thing
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize