I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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