I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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