At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Randomize
