it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize