i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
