I wish I could punch you in the face.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Vodka?
Forever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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