Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
