i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
