census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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