Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
