If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
