You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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