david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
