And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
