I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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