1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we have officially lost it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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