I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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