i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When are your genitals available?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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