Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
