omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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