She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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