woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
