yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
