I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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