its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
