I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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