you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
