Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You are a genius and a whore.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
