Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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