she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
