who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
