well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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