just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the day after is always just damage control
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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