wrigley field is MILF paradise
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
