Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
