She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
