I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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