i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
