There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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