If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
