Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And then my night got REAL pukey
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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