mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
