All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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