Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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