I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
