tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
