Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
