Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
