this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
