Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
