me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
