Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I have vodka in my lungs
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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