I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
