omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize