drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
