Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
