these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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