i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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