Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
