I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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