He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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