bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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