Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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