So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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