i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
