I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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