they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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