Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
