Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
is that a dick in a sweater?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
