i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
