I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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