Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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