Tell her she can't have a vagina
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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