I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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