i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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