thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
