were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
