you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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