Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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