So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
