I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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