Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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