I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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