You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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